Nothing

"When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy" - Rumi

I used to feel the joy. This is what we call PASSION. The same feeling I had when I got to click on the publish button of a new blog entry. The same goes to my first 2 years of teaching, I enjoyed it. Now, I am always angry. It must be the system I think. Whatever it is, I get to figure out how to have that passion flowing inside me again.

Soulmates

People often confuse soulmate to a life partner but it is not. You can have more than one soulmates and I'd rather define soulmate as someone who doesn't have difficulty understanding you, in other words, both know each other so well even when they have just met.

I think I've found soulmates of mine. Some are my best friends, some are just friends but I just know that these people are my soulmates. They are the person that you share random things with. They can be both male and female. A soulmate is not a lover, they just happen to be the person you can clique instantly. In my 30s, it's very hard to find people with the same interest. It's like  I have this interesting book that I want to tell you about, but it's difficult finding a friend who can share this enthusiasm that you have towards the book. Sometimes, keeping something as exciting as the book to yourself making you feel so alone intellectually. Oh my, I just miss all of you, dear soulmates. So, ending this entry with a quote from "Eat, Pray, Love". So true that it makes me cry.

 “People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. 

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Fly little butterflies

It was one happy day for me. I saw the analysis which showed a drop in English's GPS, but that couldn't stop me from grinning from ear to ear. Students came and thanked me all smiling although they didn't get even an A- for English. Those with A+, smiling at me from far and we straight away took selfies together- our favourite activity in class. That would be, perhaps our last selfie pic together.

No words could express how proud am I to be their teacher. They are my products. I've taught them for many years and they are the first batch in my teaching career that I got to educate for 4 years straight. The longest duration of time ever in my teaching history. So suffice to say, who they are now, I was one of the teachers who shape and mould them. Their SPM results are so good and I believe brighter future awaits them.

The thing that I was so sad about is the fact that one of them was not here to see his result. He was involved in an accident a month ago and passed away on the same day. I tried to hide my tears when I saw his parents and his still very little siblings came to take his result, feeling proud because he scored a very good result that is, 6A (PHYSICS, BIOLOGY, CHEMISTRY, ADD MATH, MATH, PI), 2B+ (BM, BI) And 1B (HISTORY). His father even came bringing prayer mats and according to him, it was his son's wish to donate those prayers mats using his first salary working at a restaurant to the school's musolla. This story of his reminds me that we always need to have good intentions and if possible let our loved ones know as we might not know when will we return to God. In his case, he has secured his own 'saham akhirah' because of his good intention.

Just for the sake of updating

I'm glad to live in a place surrounded by beautiful nature like Terengganu. The beach is just a few meters  away from my workplace. If I want to be surrounded by the lush green jungle, I can always climb the Bukit Besar that is not so far from home. On my way home from work I can choose either to feast my eyes on the calming paddy field or letting the sea breeze caressed my skin by driving along the seaside. Sometimes, after a tiring day at work, I will go to the Crystal Mosque as it is a floating mosque where I get to witness its magnificent architecture and the beautiful nature surrounding it. Not so far from it, is the Masjid Tengku Tengah Zaharah,  also known as 'Masjid Terapung.' And the list of these pretty places in Terengganu is endless. After my years in Sydney, I had to return to KL and surprisingly, I was so drawn to my hometown that I went back home almost every weekend. I think I am not meant to live in big cities. I just love being a tourist in these cities.

Alhamdulillah that I went to many cities (not that many to you guys, I know). I hope it won't be annoying but I feel like listing them down. They are: 

AUSTRALIA: Sydney, Melbourne, Goldcoast, Brisbane, Canberra, Perth 

NEW ZEALAND: Auckland, Wellington

THAILAND: Hatyai, Phuket, Krabi

INDONESIA: Medan

SINGAPORE

JAPAN: Osaka, Okayama, Kyoto, Hiroshima and Kobe.

So, to many more travels and Instagram photos of these places and not to forget, my hometown. Insha Allah. 

Even deciding a title is a difficult task for me these days

I can't sleep so I decided to blog.

In the process of making myself to fall asleep, thoughts keep coming in. I keep thinking about the past. It hurts that I miss my old self a lot. But at the same time, I am grateful for the present. There are things that I dislike about the present and one of them is this feeling that I don't really grow here, in terms of maturity. I am still a sensitive person. Nope, that's not what I want to be. I want to be wiser. But how? I'm not sure. I need to be somewhere new so that I can meet new people.

That's it. Enough. I need to get back to sleep. See how rusty my mind is now. I wish that I am someone new next year. So please ya Allah I really hope that I'll get to transfer to another school.

Show me the meaning of being lonely

I have all the time in the world since my students are away for a camp at a hotel, something that I had never experienced as a high school student. I'm not jealous as I think I had an awesome teenage-hood. The music was way too amazing, and my friends were all weirdos which made my life as a teenager unique. I tuned in to Mix Fm everyday just to reminisce the memories of the 90s/early 00s. I can't help but feel nostalgic each time I listen to 'I Try' by Macy Gray, 'Linger' by The Cranberries and even to the ones by pop princess of the 90s  Britney Spears and all of those boy bands, The BSB, NSync, Westlife etc.

Sometimes, I do wonder, why do I have to feel happy each time I listen to these tracks. Is it because of the fact it reminds me of the younger me, the girl who was free to dream whatever that she wants to.? Maybe.. because I often tell my students to appreciate the time in their high school as this is the time when your future is uncertain, you can imagine what kind of person you will be, the characteristics of your future spouse, or which country you will be residing etc. I dream a lot about these and of course some of them became reality, some of them not.

And I have never thought that I only know the meaning of the word 'Loneliness' after getting married. Teenagers, especially, often associates themselves to being alone like it's wrong. Single peeps, mark my words, you should appreciate the bachelorhood that you are now experiencing as it also means freedom to decide. I don't mean to say that married people have no freedom, but really the options are limited and we have many hearts to be taken care of. There are times, when a married people wish they can have some alone time just to fix their inner self as being married is no more about you, you and you. I do have to sacrifice some of my dreams after being someone's wife but that's okay because there are also other dreams that I can achieve.

I'm serious about the fact that you don't have to be sad for being single. Use the time you have to explore the world, treat your parents or read many books while praying that one day you'll find your jodoh.

Of FB and IG

I deactivated my Facebook account 2 years ago. Today, I logged in to FB just to find out that one of my friends whom I know suffered a few problems in her previous relationships is finally married. And the solemnization was today.

But I'm not going to talk about my friend.
After almost 2 years of absence from FB, it was a strange feeling to be on FB again. It felt as if I was in another country. Reading other people's status, it's quite addictive but time consuming. FB is still the same place just like how I left it years ago. The same FB friends keep posting the same kind of status in which I am tempted to conclude that FB is not really a place for me. I might not change that much but I just can't feed my mind reading about other people's lives. Yep, I'm active in Instagram but it's different because I can choose whom I want to follow and IG to me is a platform for photography. I do share some of my personal stuffs but not that much compared to if I'm on FB.

I'm so sorry Facebook. You're fun but I need my time wasted of browsing you years ago to be spent for gardening and reading.
And I'm happier without you. I don't know how to explain but this is sadly, a fact.