Hello 2011!

ATM, I am dreaming of living in a small comfortable house. After getting back from work, it will be raining outside and I'll cook anything I like and have my favorite cup of coffee. I'll spend the moment reading classics, something that I always want to do but I don't have time to.

It sounds so boring, I know. But if you are in my shoes you will understand why. I stay at a hostel where I have to live in a situation where students come knocking on your door all the time even in the middle of the night to tell that their friends are sick, being possessed by ghosts etc.
It's okay still, but what hurts me the most is when students are not in their best behaviour.. I caught students having a date from time to time and which makes me entitled to be pegawai pencegah maksiat. I don't know what are they thinking?

But I know many has told me that I live a noble life for being a warden means you have to devote your time for the students..you live for them. But at the same time, there are also my understanding colleagues who think that I goyang kaki at hostel. Haah yelah budak-budak zaman sekarang memang baik-baik tak jahat macam dulu.

A student thinks we, wardens want to be warden for the sake of money. I was like?? Why would you sacrifice your life for the RM265 permonth?

Sometimes, school disappoints me.

Defining Wisdom

Hoping to impress his master, a student of the occult whom I know read some manuals on magic and decided to buy the materials mentioned in the texts. With considerable difficulty he managed to find a certain type of incense, some talismans, a wooden structure with sacred characters written in an established order.
When we were having breakfast together with his master, the latter commented:
“Do you believe that by rolling computer wires around your neck you will acquire the efficiency of the machine? Do you believe that by buying hats and sophisticate clothes you will also acquire the good taste and sophistication of those who made them?

“Objects can be your allies, but they do not contain any type of wisdom. First practice devotion and discipline, and everything else will come to you later.”

I read and learn to be better

I'm not a good person.

I don't know whether I have found the self that I've been looking for or the fact that I have found her, but it is something that I've lost.

I'm rude. Really bad at managing anger. Impatient. Emotional. Irresponsible.
As I'm getting older I become 'badder'..

I know the answers to all these but my, change is hard. Sometimes I think I need a change in the environment or maybe I need somebody to be the 'me' that I dream of being.

And every night, before I sleep, I will tell myself that this life is a dream. That one day I will wake up from this long dream called life and find myself actually having a beautiful reality. Sometimes this life can be a nightmare but I must, by all means, remain calm and relax, be nice in this dream...for dream is nothing, it is unreal.. and because Allah SWT says that this life is of no value material wise..
'Sebelah kepak nyamuk lebih bernilai daripada kehidupan di dunia ini.'

The Sign

Mensyurgakan Neraka

Dunia ini bukan syurga. Tetapi magiknya, ada segelintir hamba-hamba Tuhan yang mampu menjadikan dunia yang penuh dengan kepahitan kepada syurga yang indah. Dunia mempersembahkan kepada mereka segala perkara-perkara yang tidak mereka gemari, tetapi mereka masih mampu tersenyum.

Saya bukan orang ini. Saya ingin seboleh mungkin menanggapi neraka yang saya miliki sebagai sebuah syurga yang indah. Perasaan penghuni-penghuni syurga yang belum sekalipun menjejak taman syurga sebenar.

Bukan mudah untuk mempelajari seni ini. Tetapi kita semua harus. Caranya? Akan dicoret di sini sebaik saja saya temuinya semua. Anda semua pun mesti mencari caranya. Mungkin untuk yang punya segala akan merasakan tahu caranya, tapi letakkan diri anda dalam situasi di mana anda kehilangan segala-gala dalam hidup, pasti mahu tak mahu anda terpaksa mencari jalannya. Pelajaran terbaik adalah daripada penderitaan.

One who occupies Jerusalem is one who controls the world - Salahuddin Al-Ayubbi

So, Isreal is at it again. It is a thing that the Flotilla activists have expected. They know that they will be welcomed this way. We all know it too well.

Allah has explained in great detail in the holy Koran about their characteristics and the fact that they will cause corruption twice. And we are living in the era where that second corruption by the Zionists occurs.

A thing which I deem is of an utmost importance is that Israel is always Isreal. They will never change. That is their nature. That is sunnatullah. A sunnatullah means a fact that will not undergo any transformation. Just like the fact that fish will never live in the forest and forever remains under sea.

One thing that can be changed is we, ourselves the Muslims. We have no idea how much they hate muslims to embrace Islam as the way of life. They plan to stray Muslims from the real Islam decades ago. As a result, we can see so many different ideologies invented by human are being tested and used and this is a tool to deteriorate the people faith towards the Islamic system. And this system can be learned from the Holy book. It is so sad now to see the Quranic verses are only used to overcome and avoid the ghosts, and so many uses which carries little importance while great leaders of developed nation like Obama qoutes the Quran easily in his speech, Tony Blairs carries the Holy book wherever he goes and the list goes on and on which shows there must be something so special and important about it.

Another thing that we need to know that this issue is not only an Islamic issue.Those who are well-aware of how this world actually works will understand why this issue on Palestine needs such a great attention. It will not only affect the muslims, but the whole population of mankind at large. Don't believe me? Just wait and see.

REDHA is the answer

'Sebenarnya apa yang berlaku dan apa yang orang lain kata tidak memberi sebarang kesan. Perkara yang memberi kesan adalah apa yang diri sendiri tekankan kepada dirinya. Benda-benda alam, kejadian dan peristiwa tidak mampu menekan jiwa seseorang. Orang itulah yang menekan jiwanya sendiri.'

Saya tercari-cari jawapan di sebalik kekosongan jiwa yang melanda dengan begitu dasyhat kebelakangan ini.Begitu kosong hingga menyesakkan jiwa. Alhamdulillah saya menemukan jawapannya dalam sebuah buku yang menjadikan Al-Quran sumber rujukan utama di library sekolah saat kekusutan yang sangat hebat melanda diri ini. Jawapan itu adalah 'REDHA'.

Redha adalah menerima segala takdir Tuhan. Begitu banyak tugasan yang hati saya tidak redha untuk melakukannya. Begitu banyak kejadian dalam hidup yang saya mendapati begitu payah untuk hati ini menerimanya. Akibatnya diri menzalimi diri sendiri kerana tidak yakin yang ketentuan Allah adalah adil. Kerana Allah telah mengharamkan kezaliman ke atas diri-Nya. Mustahil takdir Tuhan itu tidak adil. Rupa-rupanya sayalah yang menzalimi diri sendiri. Saya tidak redha.

Redha memerlukan kesabaran yang tinggi. Begitu lama saya cuba memahami kenapa Nabi Ya'kub mengatakan 'Sabar itu cantik.' Saya mula berpendapat sesuatu yang cantik itu adalah seni yang kompleks dan rumit sepertimana karya-karya seni hebat dunia. Saya menganggap kesabaran adalah seni yang tiada tolok bandingnya. Saya dapat merasakan kerumitannya.

Inilah seni yang saya begitu terharu kerana dapat menikmatinya.

My Remedy

One important thing that I really need to remain strong in this profession is support.
I've read the entries written by friends of the same career and I thank Allah for they made me feel better and I don't feel like I'm doing this alone. Thanks dear friends for sharing your stories. Those are my strengths.

:)

'The universe only makes sense when it is shared with someone else."

We might be the generation that sees Armageddon?

Begitu banyak jangkaan yang mengatakan kita adalah generasi yang akan menyaksikan perang 'armageddon'. Sejauhmana kebenaran itu, hanya Allah yang mengetahui. Ini turut diakui oleh Ronald Reagen.

Berdasarkan apa yang berlaku dalam situasi politik dunia kala ini, Amerika yang tegar mempertahankan Zionis, Iran yang tidak habis-habis diancam akan diserang, dan pihak Zionis yang bertungkus-lumus menyiapkan kelengkapan perang canggih kerana percayakan hadis Gharqad, tidak dapat tidak menggambarkan kesediaan mereka dan keyakinan mereka yang kiamat semakin hampir.

Namun, kiamat dalam erti kata kemusnahan dunia yang sebenarnya tidak akan terjadi sehingga Nabi Isa alaihissalam turun menghalau Yahudi dari bumi Palestin. Dikatakan Golden Age semakin mendekat dimana Islam akan mentadbir dunia.

Apapun, harapanku, aku ingin menjadi orang yang bermanfaat kepada dunia dalam cara ku sendiri. Cara yang aku mampu sebagai seorang Muslim yang akan kembali kepada Tuhannya walau dimana zaman pun aku berada.

Never ask why the sky is blue

A new perspective learnt,
If we are to embrace the lateral thinking of the likes of Hume, Immanuel Kant etc. we will have many different versions of Islam like what happened to certain religion.But we embrace the vertical thinking~ we just cannot question everything.Everything is not meant for us to be critical of.Something must be accepted and be memorised by heart. That's how the teaching of Islam today remains the same teaching of Islam +1400 years back. But throughout history, we can see that how mankind (especially in the west) perception towards life, or how they view knowledge is having a progressive development which its sole base is on man's critical judgements. The likes of Marx, Darwin all will undergo rejection by mankind at large.

Stop thinking, start cleaning

It feels great to clean the whole house. It's kind of theraphy for stress. Seeing from our own naked eyes, there is nothing really special about the success of cleaning the house but we do realise that it gives a certain feeling so great than even when our physical body is worn out, our mind & soul don't.. they are rejuvenated.

The philosophy behind doing this cleaning is in itself huge. It symbolizes our readiness to change, to let go of the past and to start something new for the present. Sometimes we dislike something that had already happened very much that we are either too lazy or afraid of taking the broom or mop and sweep them away. Is it that hard? Nope, if we can get rid of the laziness and push ourselves hard to do the cleaning. I mean real cleaning as cleaning the mind& soul requires greater courage but by beginning to do the real cleaning you have taken the first step. Moreover, it is human nature to see immediate result. So, a clean house can guarantee such satisfaction.

Ermm so grab your broom or vacuum or whatever you have now and enjoy sweeping all of your worries away... your heart is tired, revitalize it!

Who i am today, it's u, responsible

I love you people. Well, I'm not going to mention their names.

You come across people that make impact in your life. I think every people that we meet has their own impact in our life be it big or small.

My love goes out to those who have made big impact in me. Thank you for you are the person who made me the way I am today. And to people whom in the process of affecting my life through their daily presence everyday, I like you so much for making every minute that is given to me, an excting experience. Indeed, I'm thrilled with everyday.

And the person whom I owe a lot is none other than the Teacher of teachers. He has shaped us into someone that we are now. That is the greatest gift! Faith

I want to paint the world together with you

Whenever I look at my vivacious, happy, cheerful students, my heart sinks. I am so ashamed of myself that I may not be as happy as them. They are the young people who have entrusted me to shape and paint them using whatever colour I love too.

They believe in me. I can feel it.

People, looks can be deceiving. I am surprised by the fact that the students whom I consider come from a well-established family for they look so carefree, free from worries, the most happy-go-lucky bunch of all, are actually the ones who have to bear with problems that is like, carrying a world upon their shoulders. Coming from a broken-family, being an orphan who have to look after sick, jobless mother at home, they are loved by God for despite those circumstances, they are able to hide their despair behind those cheerful smile, acting like a joker, entertaining friends around them. Yet only God knows how they feel.

We have to learn to be happy on our own, to be dependent on no one but God.

The only certain promise: DEATH

Somehow this soul will leave this body,
no matter how ugly or beautiful the body is...
returning to its Owner...
departing from all those that we've met while the soul is inside this body..
So, grieving over the lost of anyone we encounter in this physical material world is a meaningless act
for when the soul departs from the body,
its only want is to meet its Creator,
its sole Owner in a manner as beautiful as possible..
So, how important that our soul is beautified before it returns back to where it is from.

But I am to attached to something so ephemeral .....
No, I don't want a tragic ending...

Ya Allah.. grant me khusnul-khatimah