Hello 2011!

ATM, I am dreaming of living in a small comfortable house. After getting back from work, it will be raining outside and I'll cook anything I like and have my favorite cup of coffee. I'll spend the moment reading classics, something that I always want to do but I don't have time to.

It sounds so boring, I know. But if you are in my shoes you will understand why. I stay at a hostel where I have to live in a situation where students come knocking on your door all the time even in the middle of the night to tell that their friends are sick, being possessed by ghosts etc.
It's okay still, but what hurts me the most is when students are not in their best behaviour.. I caught students having a date from time to time and which makes me entitled to be pegawai pencegah maksiat. I don't know what are they thinking?

But I know many has told me that I live a noble life for being a warden means you have to devote your time for the students..you live for them. But at the same time, there are also my understanding colleagues who think that I goyang kaki at hostel. Haah yelah budak-budak zaman sekarang memang baik-baik tak jahat macam dulu.

A student thinks we, wardens want to be warden for the sake of money. I was like?? Why would you sacrifice your life for the RM265 permonth?

Sometimes, school disappoints me.

Defining Wisdom

Hoping to impress his master, a student of the occult whom I know read some manuals on magic and decided to buy the materials mentioned in the texts. With considerable difficulty he managed to find a certain type of incense, some talismans, a wooden structure with sacred characters written in an established order.
When we were having breakfast together with his master, the latter commented:
“Do you believe that by rolling computer wires around your neck you will acquire the efficiency of the machine? Do you believe that by buying hats and sophisticate clothes you will also acquire the good taste and sophistication of those who made them?

“Objects can be your allies, but they do not contain any type of wisdom. First practice devotion and discipline, and everything else will come to you later.”

I read and learn to be better

I'm not a good person.

I don't know whether I have found the self that I've been looking for or the fact that I have found her, but it is something that I've lost.

I'm rude. Really bad at managing anger. Impatient. Emotional. Irresponsible.
As I'm getting older I become 'badder'..

I know the answers to all these but my, change is hard. Sometimes I think I need a change in the environment or maybe I need somebody to be the 'me' that I dream of being.

And every night, before I sleep, I will tell myself that this life is a dream. That one day I will wake up from this long dream called life and find myself actually having a beautiful reality. Sometimes this life can be a nightmare but I must, by all means, remain calm and relax, be nice in this dream...for dream is nothing, it is unreal.. and because Allah SWT says that this life is of no value material wise..
'Sebelah kepak nyamuk lebih bernilai daripada kehidupan di dunia ini.'